" There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. " - Maya Angeleou
We got married just four months back and we're already falling apart. I wish I could share some happy moments of my life after marriage with all of you but like a Sadist, I find it extremely difficult to share my happiness through written words and in the same way I cannot express my anger through spoken words and then I take help of written words to take it all out from my heart. May be this is not the right platform to do so but I find no other way that will bring peace in my mind. I am sad, hurting and bit depress.
So here goes my story! My dad is staying with us for few days. This is his first visit to our place after marriage. He is here to see if we are happy together and to spend some quality time with us. So last Sunday I was not feeling well and decided to skip my dinner. At 3 am I suddenly woke up and ran towards bathroom and started vomiting. I didn’t call my husband who was sleeping beside me but when I came out from the bathroom I saw him sitting in the bed. He looked worried. He asked if I am okay now and he was upset because I didn’t call him before and suffered till 3 am. I had some digestion problem or some kind of infection. I assured him that I am absolutely fine and he needs not to worry about me and then again I had to run towards bathroom for you know why. It’s better not to mention it here:-p but after that I slept well.
In the morning when I woke up I had to run to bathroom again. I didn’t prepare breakfast for my husband who was getting ready for office and I called my father in law who is a doctor for medicines. I started taking medicines but I had to go to bathroom 2-3 times even after taking medicines. It was a very minor health issue but it made me very weak physically in just few hours. I was not able to stand. Whenever I was trying I felt I will fall. I was missing my mother. I was also emotionally fragile too that day. She used to take care of me in days like this. She used to clean my vomit also. Even once I fell sick at my friend’s place and they didn’t allow me to go to bathroom also. They make me sat at their bed and then one friend came with a bucket in his hand and stood in front of me and asked me to vomit. Second friend was rubbing my back and third was holding my hair. After that they cleaned my mess too. But here I had no one. It took me three days to gather the courage and clean my mess. I wish I can be with my family always.
I missed my husband too who was in office and was calling me in every one hour to know about my condition. I felt happy and blessed. He came back early from office that day and I started teasing and irritating him. I was just trying to divert my mind from my sickness and my fault is I irritate people when I am sick and want them to pamper me. I did nothing that day except for sleeping. But someone can sleep 24 hrs only when that person is not physically well. My husband failed to understand that. While I was sleeping he was cooking dinner for us. He was tired but he still did this for us.
He called me for dinner and I started feeling again not well. I didn’t feel like eating so I told him that I am not feeling well again. His reaction broke my heart. He got angry. He replied,” what happened to you”? (Twice) in a very rude way. Then he added,”if you are sick then why are you telling me ? I am not doctor. Call my father. What can I do? My father heard all these and being father of a daughter he is heartbroken too. I know how difficult it is for a father to watch someone behaving badly with her little daughter especially if that someone is her husband. I came back into my room and started crying. I couldn’t cry in front of my father. It would had made him weak further. I have told my husband thousand times that I have sinus and crying make it real ugly but it seems he just doesn’t care. Next minute he again came to me and started asking if I had medicine or not but I had stopped talking to him since then. Next day he washed all my clothes before going to office but all these now seems fake to me now.
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I wanna go back to my mom. I am alone here. Life is getting more and more complicated with every passing day. Please come and take me HOME.